


Queer Dreams

by FailureArtist



Series: DepressionStuck [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Sex, Drunk Sex, Genderfuck, Humanstuck, Oral Sex, Other, but in a surreal dream-logic way, but not in a serious trans way, foot and leg worship, male-bodied persons refered to as female, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:39:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan seduces an original female character, and by original female character I mean Equius Zahhak. </p><p>Semi-canon side story for the fanfic <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/718138?view_full_work=true">“And We’re All Stuck in a Depression”</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Queer Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> You should read “And We’re All Stuck in a Depression” before reading this, but in case you are too lazy and impatient: it’s 1933 and Eridan Ampora is a deposed German noble trying to marry for money. This is a surreal interpretation of what happened between him and his latest failed target, Miss Gertrude Weefster.

Eridan sits on a well-upholstered sofa facing Miss Equius Zahhak and takes her in. The long-eligible bachelorette isn’t much to look at. Her jaw is square, her teeth are big and jutting like a horse’s, her eyebrows are thick, her nose is large and broken, and she’s growing stubble. But even though Eridan hasn’t chosen her for her looks (or for her personality, for that matter), he suddenly finds something appealing in her. For one thing, she has the most amazing hair. He doesn’t know how that can even be possible when she sweats so much but her black hair isn’t greasy at all. It sways so beautifully when she moves. She is almost entirely flat-chested but he’s never liked big breasts anyway. They’re just too…mammalian. She shaves her chest and he’s glad for that. He likes how toned her arms are. Her royal blue sleeveless evening gown shows off her broad shoulders. Her huge body holds some strange appeal to him tonight. It could be because he’s high as hell.

Eridan is high because he has been drinking since supper at six and it’s now three in the morning. He and Equius escaped the dull never-ending party downstairs for the sitting room of her bedroom. They’ve sat drinking, with Eridan drinking brandy and Equius drinking her normal milk (laced with rum that is).

Even when Equius is not drunk she still finds Eridan attractive. In fact she thinks he is the most handsome man she has ever met. She cannot believe sometimes that a man as handsome as him could ever be attracted to her, but she knows he can see in her a proud Valkyrie from one of his German operas. She can see he’s thinking that now. However right now she’s starting to find him rather too pretty.    

Eridan says, “It’s so nice we can be alone, yah know? Because it’s good…for two lovers…to be alone. Not that I have anythin’ ‘gainst your family, in fact I want to be… your family…in that…”

Equius growls, “My feet hurt.”

Eridan thinks, _you think your feet hurt? I’m the one who’s had those hooves stepping on me all night while we tried to dance._

But instead he says, “You can take your lovely slippers off, _lieblin_ ’. I don’t mind. I’d like to see your…footlin’s.”

She takes off her shoes and Eridan can now see how small they are compared to her feet. How did she fit her feet into them? Did she cut off her heels and toes like in that certainly German fairy tale? Those ugly shoes aren’t even worth any pain.

“You shoes the right chose. Such good taste,” he says.

 “Thank you, I just recently purchased them. I am glad you find them exquisite.”

“And you’ve got swellin’…swell feet. Just beautiful. Great to see them uncovered.”

“Umm, yes.” Equius has never been complimented on her feet. She doesn’t think she’s ever heard anyone else getting complimented on that part of the body. It’s a rather queer observation and it almost makes her want to put back on her shoes.

He sees she is uncomfortable and he comes up with a solution to make her feel relaxed. He stands up.

“Let me just.” He wobbles. “Let me just kneel here.” He collapses on his knees in front of her.

“Eridan? Are you ill?”

“No, no, I just want to do somethin’ to you.”

“Pardon?”

“I want to give yah foot an massage.”

He starts rubbing her right ankle and she can’t bring herself to kick him. She’s afraid she would break his nose. She tends to have accidents like that.

Instead she growls, “Eridan. Do not touch me.”

“Come on, we’re lovers, we touch each other, and it’s just yah feet? Nothin’ special.”

“I suppose you are right.”

She lies back and lifts up her feet. He takes turns massaging both of them. He rubs his thumbs in little circles and kneads and prods. Her blood starts to circulate away from the pinched toes. With his skilled hands he takes away the pain she’s had all night. She is glad she let him do this.

He is glad he managed to make her relax after she was so reluctant to let him touch her feet. She is getting more intimate with him. This is better than when she started letting him kiss her. He has her under his spell. He wonders if he can push things a little farther.

“I bet yah calves hurt too. Want to make them feel better?”

Equius is too sore to say no. She just can’t stop herself. “Y-yes.”

Eridan moves his hands under her dress and up her calves and starts knead them in turn. They are hard masses of muscle so he uses a strong touch. If the skinny man has nothing else he at least has strong hands and arms from firing his long powerful rifles. It’s a shame his girlfriend is too faint-hearted for hunting. He’s like her to see his skills on day.

Equius’ leg pain leaves her. It’s like she never had to dance tonight. Yet her skin does feel uncomfortable with the wet silk sticking to it. She doesn’t know how she can dance all night yet only start sweating when she’s sitting down. Her glands are STRONG against physical exertion but her nerves activate them. Almost all her sweat is cold.

“My stockings are…unsuitable right now,” she says.

“Are you sayin’…you want to change into somethin’ else?”

“I can simply remove them.”

She pulls up her dress and tries to unbuckle them from her garter. Instead she ends up bending the left buckle.

“Oh…damn fiddlesticks,” she accidentally curses in her drunken state, “Yet more clothing destroyed.”

“It’s okay, these thin’s happen when you are delightfully tipsy.”

“I should not be imbibing,” she groans, “Not even that sweet delicious punch made of creamy milk oh god I need more I’m so thirsty.”

 But Equius has drunk all of the milk punch. For someone who says she doesn’t drink she drinks a lot and she can take it.

 “Let me take off that other stockin’ for yah, okay my lieblin’?”

She nods because she is desperate at this point to take them off. He unbuckles the right stocking with ease and rolls it down. The left stocking will need to be torn off with the mess she has made of the left buckle.

 For some reason she doesn’t pull down her dress again. She feels too unbearably warm to do that. She is sweating everywhere but he notices a particular wet spot on her bulging plain cotton panties. It must be from her pre-cum.  

He is amazed at how hot he’s made her. She is really going for him, he thinks. He’s the perfect lover, a fucking sheik. He is sure now on her wedding night he’s going to give it to her so good she’ll be in a coma till she gives birth to their first son. She’ll be his forever then and he can get away with servicing her only on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. He thinks he’ll have a hard time getting ready for the mare after he gets her ready. He ignores the little jumps his cock makes.

He massages the red marks from her thick thighs bulging against the buckles and straps of her garters. Women’s garters seem to be worse than men’s sock garters. What size garter is she trying to wear?

 She knows she shouldn’t let him touch her thighs. When his hand ghosted her thigh that one time she properly slapped his hand. He responded by pleading forgiveness since he was so taken by the beauty of her legs. She was flattered despite herself and she secretly wished he’d do it again. Now she is letting him do that. She must be very drunk. 

 He gets an idea that seems brilliant in his alcohol-laden and slightly-aroused mind. He can give her a swell forecast of things to come. He learned a secret from a French prostitute of a technique you can use to get an orgasm out of a woman if you don’t want to ruin her. He’d scoffed at it when he first visited the French prostitute (he would never go to a German prostitute) but then he got drunk and went to her and hired her as a teacher. He had surely mastered that skill.

“Come on,” he said, “I’ll show yah somethin’ that will really blow your mind.”

“P-pardon?”

He doesn’t explain but just pulls her panties down the best he can till her penis is free. Her manhood is both very long and very thick. She is very blessed in that area if no where else.

 “Ahh,” says her lover as he devilishly grins, “You’re makin’ it a hard challenge for me, vwah ha ha.”

“P-please explain…”

But before she can even groan he puts it in his mouth and pushes it all the way down his throat. She doesn’t know where he got the STRENGTH of body control to do that. He is surprised too but he figures it’s the alcohol relaxing his throat. He only does this once to impress her before going to quicker methods. He isn’t going to give her a slow relaxed job when he doesn’t need to at her levels. He grabs her shaft firmly and rapidly jerks it while sucking hard on the head. 

She must push him off, but her manhood is in his mouth and she is afraid to push him off lest he bite. No, she is afraid to lose such an excellent sensation.  She is too far gone in lust to stop him. He has pushed her too far.

Quickly she reaches her crisis and she pours out into Eridan’s mouth. Her orgasm seems to go on forever since she has so much stored up in her. This is her first waking orgasm, except for the few she has gotten horse-riding.

He doesn’t suck her though the aftershocks but instead immediately spits out her semen into her empty milk punch glass and takes a big swig of brandy straight from the bottle.

“Ach, God, that was disgustin’,” he says, “I’ll never get over the taste.”

She feels so disgusted. She cannot believe he could do such a deviant action to her. She is ruined.

“Hey,” says Eridan.

Equius looks at him and hopes he isn’t asking for a kiss.

“So, will you marry me?” he asks.

 

* * *

 

In different parts of Manhattan, Equius and Eridan both wake up with strange boners.

 

**Author's Note:**

> : If Equius is out-of-character in this story it’s because he’s really just a stand-in for Gertrude “the spinster dame” Weefster. I wanted to show what happened between Eridan and her and make fun of the sexual tension between Eridan and Equius. Because after all nobody wants to see a canon character make love to an OFC.


End file.
